Poems

Our bodies trace time

I got my ears pierced yesterday
I settled into myself years ago but I still try to push myself to change
Every once in a while

I start a new job soon
A new place, a new total context, I've never been there but I'll be settle into it
It wont take long

When I'm there my ears will still be healing

Our bodies trace time, beyond our ideas, they remain physical

Thunder storm

The entirety of space inverted
all altered save the quietly terrified earth
cast small against our focus on the clouds
a gateway to the drama

A new experience

"Maybe you just didn't like the people you dated before"
maybe.
the uncomfortable sex,
the forced "I love you"'s,
the dislike of how they held their bodies,
the feeling of physical disgust at their smiles,
seen together, at once, in their place, explained away,
leaving me frozen for a moment, 
to melt into a joyful, embarrassed idiot.

And now I start to see,
the first long held promise of a future together,
the joy of an equal understanding of our situation
the terror of no longer experiencing this in third person
the shared will to make it work
the knowledge that for once, if it ends, I wont be the one to end it

And now I realise, the lens on my whole life shattered,
feelings don't default into resentment

HRT stopped for a month

My stubble's back.
Not had this for years,
my personal symptom of the wider issue.

My skins different.
I rest my hand on my face,
its rougher, greasier by the day.

Now I suffer my past.
Its familiar pain is here,
shared with friends in memory, made real now.

But! It lets me see him.

His face is back.
Whats it been? 3 years?
You've changed too my long gone friend.

He looks comfortable.
The stubble's still there, 
but womanhood has strengthened him.

Together we know.
The proof of our ideology,
our experiences have steeled us.

Trying to say nice things about you

I want to write you a meaningful card.
Something that proves I like you.
I try to compare you to a tiny bird with a titans soul.
I try to compare you to a bubbling liquid amber-stone.
I try to compare you to an embossed, page stealing book.
I doesn't work.

But I give it to you,
And it becomes your favourite thing anyway.

Planets

Picture planets. Populating the pitch black pool, playing.
Thousands.
All asleep to their aquaintence, all alone.
Or are they?
Each an epitome of experimentation, exploring and entangling itself.
See within:
Creatures contending, confronting but caring closely, colourfully.
Unquestioning.
Food is finite. A fleeting forceful forage, fight or find. Fun.
Life.
Spheres sharing a state of shifting standard. Sleeping on siblinghood.


Now picture the other as it sits and changes as an intelligent world it holds concrete and coal and computing rocks of static and sleep on this It dares you It holds the power in it hand to change itself to grow consciously and reach out of the membrane and meet more members of its class teaching itself ships and space and science and steel all resources from its heart as it builds itself anew ready to rock and roll and receive gifts from the many friends sit silently but still subsist smarter stone than those before. It just needs to find them.
"I've been reaching out but Im yet to see them."
"Where is everyone else?"
"It cant be just me."

Look After Yourself

My daughter,
she sits with me, showing me pictures of my family.
My whole life stretched out in one column on her tiny phone.
I can see every change in me laid out,
the visible ones at least.
I've had weeks here to think about the others.

Life, gathering knowledge, 
The first time I saw myself in an adult more than a child.
The first time I saw a teenager and thought, 
"you don't even realise, how much we see what you're going through".
The first time I realised they were more adult than me now.
The first time I saw them understand our roles had reversed.

I guess that's what life has been, 
gathering those new knowledges.
Learning the universal experiences one by one.

I wish I could go back, a bit at least.
Go through it again with all that.
These thoughts I have with me now.
To be a child, knowing the elders see my soul.

...

My grand-daughter,
she's not taking it well. I'm ready.
"Look after yourself", that's the last thing she says to me.
Not even a goodbye. 
That's fine, she's working on herself, I can see it.

And here it comes now, the final universal knowledge